Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
