There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
