I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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