woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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