Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
