Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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