dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I understand Curling. That high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
