Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
