I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
