Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
