Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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