the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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