I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
