I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
