i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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