dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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