I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
