I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He shit in the fireplace
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
