hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
