He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
