time to smoke my breakfast
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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