while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
