I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
