he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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