____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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