We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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