i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
