and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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