I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
