I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I fill condoms, not promises.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
