Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
