be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
