We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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