so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
