Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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