How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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