Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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