btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
