Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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