he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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