you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
