HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
