Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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