I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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