So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
