I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
