Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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