its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
