You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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