god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Lo siento on account of my penis...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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