I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
