found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
