I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
